My New Normal...and Accepting It

well it's my new normal for the next few weeks.

I have several more weeks before I get my hard cast off and can be put in a boot and start bearing weight on my foot. I've struggled a lot these last three and a half weeks with my situation and questioning "Why" this had to happen. We knew a few months into my pregnancy with Jaxon that this would be our last baby. It was a choice that Clay and I made (and I'm just going to say it was a hard one to make because I enjoyed both pregnancies and Clay and I always thought we would have a big family). So with knowing that this was "it" I had come up with all these ideas in my mind about how things were going to be once Jaxon was born. All the things that I was going to do with the boys. Things I never would have done with Bryson; like going to public places, taking walks to the park, etc.

Fast forward to Easter Sunday and what I will remember as the most embarrassing moment of my life and the prelude to Jaxon's arrival :) Definitely not how I planned to spend my last few weeks off on maternity leave (since I had to use 6 weeks on bedrest) with a newborn and a toddler.

I'll admit that the first couple weeks of Jaxon's life I cried, had to make the decision to stop breastfeeding (which let me just say was probably the worst feeling in the world. I can't even begin to tell y'all how much I felt like a terrible mom for having to stop. I HATE the way society makes you feel if you can't stick it out), cried some more, had to learn how to get around with a walker, and did a lot more crying. Not the memories I had hoped/planned to make with my two precious boys.

Each day is getting better and I'm learning to accept this short season of my life. Jennifer from Life in the Green House wrote a wonderful post about letting it go today. After reading it I was so convicted about how I handled my situation. I hate to admit to y'all, but I always want to be honest on my blog, I didn't allow the Lord to carry me in the beginning. I didn't run to Him like I should have. I allowed the Satan to get the best of me and allowed him to steal away the joy those first few weeks.

Just like Jennifer talked about her daughter running to her when she's scared or needs her for comfort I want to run to the Lord just like that. I don't want to worry about what tomorrow brings. I want to be present in the moment and know that Jesus is in control. He's on the throne and everything works out according to His purpose and His plan.

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25-27

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34