Our Journey - Part Two

little did i know that on october 22, 2007 our lives would become a complete roller coaster ride. never in a million years would i have thought that we would be dealing with infertility. i was nervous, scared, and afraid of the unknown to say the least. that day clay and i met with the infertility nurses and we determined that i would begin my first round of treatments that next month. on november 20 the tuesday before thanksgiving and right before i was to start my treatments i had a miscarriage. i can remember every detail of that day and the many tears that were shed. i remember on thanksgiving right before we made the trip to see our families, clay and i in our bedroom praying for God's comfort, strength, and that even though we did not understand His ways we would continue to bless His name. i praise God and thank Him for putting His arms around clay and i during that time.
for the first seven months (taking a break in february) i was on the dreaded clomid and hcg. i will never forget as long as i live how the clomid made me feel like i was literally going thru menopause. i can remember countless times when i would complain to the girls at work about how hot it was. those seven months were filled with heartaches, tears, and many other difficult emotions that i wondered if i would be able to handle anymore of the treatments. it seemed like everywhere i turned someone was announcing they were pregnant. not to mention the infertility waiting room was right next to the ultrasound office, so i could see every pregnant woman that came in and out. during the summer i became angry with God, asking Him so many questions, and not being able to understand the path that He had laid before us. for a while i stopped attending church and sunday school regularly. it was just too hard to be around so many pregnant women, listening to them complain about morning sickness, swollen ankles, and all the rest, desperately wanting to be in their place. please do not misunderstand me...i was truly happy for each one of these women, many of them my friends, but i just didn't understand why i wasn't one of them. on june 4, 2008 after my laparoscopic procedure to get rid of the endometriosis the doctor informed me and clay that we had until december to try and get pregnant, otherwise we would have to look into other options. by september after more negative pregnancy tests we opted to see a local infertility specialist that would be a little more aggressive with the treatments. we met with him and mapped out a plan for the next 3 months that would include high doses of follistim injections and an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) each month. he told us that if we were not pregnant after the 3 tries our next option would be IVF. clay and i just looked at one another and knew that these next 3 months would be critical. so on november 13 i started my injections and this last thursday i had my first iui. clay and i are trying very hard to stay grounded thru all of this and continuing to pray that God's will be done. i promise to keep you posted on any news and want to thank you for allowing me to share this part of our life.


***consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3***